Don’t call me grandma. Why women are afraid of adulthood


“You tell him not to call me Grandma. Just… Mama Nina.” – That’s what my mother used to say when I dropped my son off at the health camp, where she was a part-time counselor.

And true, my mother, however, as now, looked great, briskly ran on shapely heels and the Old Testament grandmother in a scarf and knitting is not resembled. She did not want to feel like a grandmother, in spite of her fifty-something years with a very large “tail. And not because she did not feel related to her grandson. She just wanted as long as possible to remain a woman. And rightly so!


And in fact, what prevents it? Researchers considered the peak of life and labor activity to be 40-45 years of age. Over fifty, according to the rules, there should be a decline. But a lot of women with their example refute this conclusion and for a long time remain full of energy and vitality.

At this age, there are advantages. Domestic problems to some extent solved, the children are adults and do not require as much attention. Live and rejoice, realize all the aspirations and interests for which in former times there was neither time nor money. Happy times…

But why do so many people perceive this period of their lives so painfully?

Maybe because there are more and more affairs and pleasures, about which we have to say, “This is not for me. Again, as once in my youth, the “scissors” between “I can” and “I want” increase, different illnesses begin to bother me, and the young and healthy ones begin to breathe on my back and obviously overtake me. Try to keep up with them! And then there are these wrinkles, this blurred waistline, shortness of breath… What is there to be glad about? And whose unfamiliar face was looking out of the mirror? What happened to the “open”, full of enthusiasm eyes, a lush mop of hair, flexibility and grace of movement? How now to behave, how to dress, how to move?

Also, very often at a certain stage in life, we come with a load of mistakes, resentments and disappointments. And it is not easy not to become embittered, not to fall into despondency and desire something else, except a bench outside the door, and soap operas on TV.

The crisis…

But it is possible and worthwhile to get out of any crisis. If only for your own sake. Of course, it is necessary to take care of yourself, to take care of yourself as much as possible. But it is not about expensive creams and beautiful, age-appropriate clothes. It’s about something else: how you feel at your age, whether you still have any desires, whether there are goals, aspirations, dreams …

That’s probably what separates the Old Testament, all satisfying and demanding nothing in return grandmother of the modern, wishing to live fully of women. And this woman, despite all the blows of fate, has not lost her mental energy and is open to everything new that life throws up.

One of my mother’s friends, for example, sings in the chorus of veterans. All her life she taught chemistry and seemed to see nothing but formulas. And it turned out that she has a wonderful soprano… Another friend passionate about growing flowers in the dacha, and now she even comes specially to ask what’s up.

All of the above does not mean that you have to live selfishly only for yourself, your beloved. And you should bake pies, and watch your grandchildren, and, if you are not yet retired, be a responsible manager or just a conscientious worker. But, no matter what, the main thing is not to forget that there is a reserved “territory”, the territory that no one has the right to encroach on. It is your interests and desires, it is your personal life, it is your right to be called a woman. After all, the way you set yourself up, that’s how you’ll be looked at…

And a few more words about what drives us into old age. It’s clear that young people sometimes find it very difficult to understand: when a woman is “over…”, normal human feelings and desires have their place.

– Grandma, why are you dancing? Grandmothers are not supposed to dance! – shamed…

the granddaughter of her sixty-year-old grandmother…

an old, attractive woman, and, indeed, forgetting her

“rank”, dashingly danced a newfangled dance at the family celebration.

– Look, our old men are singing about love! – sarcastically

young spouses, seeing in their grandmothers’ keen sensitivity and coquetry…

…and the gallantry of their grandfathers…

…of the morals of the elderly, something indecent.

What is indecent about it? Why is it indecent, if you have strength, to dance till you drop? Why is it indecent, if a woman is single, to meet someone you like?

It is probably much more “decent” to turn into a free housekeeper and nanny for your adult and also quite independent children, and think that everything is in the past.

Unfortunately, very often women think so themselves, and those around them – seemingly loving and caring, again and again convince them of this. And somehow ashamed to change something in their lives. She’s not a young woman.

Yes, age is age. And you can’t escape it. But don’t lose heart. For all the minuses – the obvious and hidden, you can find in it and its advantages. You just have to want it.

The other day my mom is going to a sanatorium. We went through her outfits that she will take with her. There aren’t many, but they really suit her. I know that she has a heart condition and that she has osteochondrosis and all sorts of other ailments. And I also know that this turquoise dress, with an elegant slit, my mother will wear to the dance. And she will smile, and turn men’s heads, and enjoy life.

I don’t know if I can do this when my time comes. But I will try. I will!